


2 A.M. Breakdowns

by GhostPatrol



Category: Smosh, Smosh Games
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drug Use, Listen TFB's album drop still has me fucked up so have a song based oneshot, M/M, Panic Attacks, Recreational Drug Use, Sohin is sad, Song fic, Teenage Disasters AU, but im also not, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:13:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostPatrol/pseuds/GhostPatrol
Summary: "Holy fuck, I'm about to die.Angry for no reason,Twisted up inside;Holy fuck, I'm about to die..."Or, The one where Sohinki has a rough day and weed isn't helping.





	2 A.M. Breakdowns

**Author's Note:**

> Fyi, the song being used here is "You Used To Say (Holy Fuck)" by The Front Bottoms! It's a great song, you should check it out. Anyways, pain,

[ _Do you think my eyes should be wider?_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFwjHMn9O2o&index=1&list=PLFJKabh89Z1vJMsAJnXi-XgfKzxLD9gGv)

[ _Do you think my expressions should match how it is on the inside, to say;_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFwjHMn9O2o&index=1&list=PLFJKabh89Z1vJMsAJnXi-XgfKzxLD9gGv)

 

Matt felt jets of heat passing through his lips and nostrils as he exhaled, a stream of smoke flowing into the cold night air. His knuckles were blanching on both hands, with the fingers of his left hand digging into his knee and the other with a death grip around his joint. He was slouched, sitting on the curb, staring blankly at the asphalt.

He was trying to keep his breathing steady, but it wasn’t working. The breaths came in shallow and quick, leaving too soon. The shaky drags he was taking from his joint were doing nothing, he couldn’t hold it in long enough, and when he exhaled the smoke it was in sporadic, useless puffs. He clenched his hands tighter. He didn’t want to see them shake.

 

_Do you think my words should be wiser?_

_Do you think my expressions should match how it is on the inside to say-_

_Holy fuck, I’m about to die._

 

His head was spinning. It was too much, everything was just too much and he couldn’t think. He was a mess right now, yeah, that much was obvious, obvious from the wetness of his cheeks, from the aching of his lungs, from the fact that the only thought he could hold onto right now was how he couldn’t breathe, or how he felt like he was dying, he couldn’t breathe, he was _dying_ -

 

_Angry for no reason,_

_Twisted up inside._

 

Matt’s eyes and nose were burning, and his entire body was shaking, and he knew it wasn’t just the cold that was doing it all. His throat was hoarse from screaming, and the sound of his mom’s empty bottles smashing into the trees in the backyard still felt like it was ringing in his ears.

There were angry red lines on the palms of his hands, shallow and no longer bleeding. He let go of his knee and dug his fingertips into his hand instead, and felt hot wetness begin to coat them. He lifted his fingers and turned his hand so he could look at it. Thin splotches of red now covered it. He let out another shaky gasp, closing his eyes and letting his arm drop back to his lap. His forehead rested against the back of his other hand, still upright and holding his joint.

 

_Wicked roots that take me under,_

_Are twisted up, on the inside._

_Holy fuck, I'm about to die._

 

Matt felt like he was being constricted. Every limb was tense and stiff but weak, trembling. His chest was heavy, too heavy, and maybe that was why he couldn’t fucking breathe right now. He was burning up from the inside out, but everything inside was cold and uncomfortable, his stomach twisted and a nauseous.

He thought he might vomit, but he couldn’t move and his body didn’t seem to be performing on its own, so the painful sensation simply remained in him. The panicked static in his mind wasn’t going away, if anything it was growing as fresh tears rolled down his face.

It was probably another minute before a sudden moment of clarity washed over him. It was only there for a second, and he sunk back into his miserable breakdown almost instantly, but now his hand was moving again. It was like being on autopilot, watching himself reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. The artificial light of its display cut into the darkness like a knife. His notifications displayed 136 new messages from a group chat. His finger tapped it of its own accord and when the window opened up, he barely registered the words of the newest messages.

 

**MEMERS ANONYMOUS**

**TALLBOY** _Today at 2:16 A.M._

_BOZE stop changing my name!!!!_

**Lilbabyboze** _Today at 2: 17 A.M._

_N E V E R_

**Tacohashi** _Today at 2:17 A.M._

_Can someone remind me why this is happening at 2 AM_

**DAETIMEEE** _Today at 2:17 A.M._

_You can always just turn off your notifications_

**Blindboy** _Today at 2:18 A.M._

_Boze I s2g_

_I can remove your permissions yknow_

**Lilbabyboze** _Today at 2:18 A.M._

_U remove my permissions and ur gonna catch these hands at lunch tmrw_

**Tacohashi** _Today at 2:19 A.M._

_Sohin is lucky he doesnt have to deal with this shit_

**DefinitelyNotASerialKiller** _Today at 2:19 A.M._

_Where is he anyways?_

**Blindboy** _Today at 2:20 A.M._

_Probably getting high or smthn_

**DefinitelyNotASerialKiller** _Today at 2:20 A.M._

_Without me?_

_I Will Kill Him_

**Tacohashi** _Today at 2:20 A.M._

_Please don’t kill your boyfriend Lasercorn_

**DefinitelyNotASerialKiller** _Today at 2:21 A.M._

_:(_

**Blindboy** _Today at 2:21 A.M._

_You can’t just use an innocent frowny face after being denied murder_

**DefinitelyNotASerialKiller** _Today at 2:21 A.M._

_:(((((((((_

 

Sohinki’s finger hovered over the text bar. He wasn’t sure how long he sat, thoughtlessly deliberating. Eventually, though, he tapped out of the chat.

He wasn’t even sure what he would say, but he knew he couldn’t face all of them. Not tonight. Not like this.

Instead, he found himself in his chat with Lasercorn. He found that his fingers were trembling too much to type properly, but couldn’t seem to steady them.

 

 **@LASER_CoRN |** ** _aka_** **_DefinitelyNotASerialKiller_**

 **Sohinki** _Today at 2:23 A.M._

_Duide_

_Can youu_

_Comee over_

_ro osomthing_

**LASER_CoRN** _Today at 2:23 A.M._

_What?_

_I mean yeah_

_Are you okay?_

_Should I tell everyone else?_

**Sohinki** _Today at 2:24 A.M._

_No_

_Pleas e_

**LASER_CoRN** _Today at 2:24 A.M._

_Alright I’m on my way_

_Whats wrong?_

**Sohinki** _Today at 2:25 A.M._

_I feel ;like im dyingf_

_Im sorryu_

**LASER_CoRN** _Today at 2:25 A.M._

_?? Hold on I’m in the car now_

_What happened?_

_Sohin?_

_Hello?_

 

And now there were droplets of water on the screen, because he was crying more, god, why couldn’t he stop crying?

 

_Holy fuck, I’m about to die;_

 

He hunched over more as those tears turned to sobbing, and at some point his phone must have timed out because it was dark again, he was alone, he was waiting on the sound of a shitty pickup truck engine and tires rumbling across cracked asphalt. But right now he was alone, and he felt like he was dying.

He was alone.

 

_Holy fuck, I’m about to die..._


End file.
